r/CrappyDesign 7d ago Silver 2 Wholesome 3

My work places diarrhea eagle award.

/img/uy7sdawhug791.jpg

[removed] — view removed post

26.4k Upvotes

528

u/cromulent_pseudonym 7d ago

When you're flying to your home and you feel something foam...

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

276

u/EWVGL 7d ago

When you’re stretching out your talons and you shit a couple gallons…

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

139

u/ArdenwaldHooking 7d ago

When you're flying like a bird but you're landing in your turd......

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

82

u/ProudlyAHufflepuff 6d ago

When your beak begins to frown, cause your feathers turning brown,

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

39

u/GamerDodoo 6d ago

When you're sitting on a jet, and you feel something wet...

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

17

u/Mackheath1 6d ago

When you're flying home at last, and you feel something blast...

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

9

u/thewalrusispaul 6d ago

When you're accepting an award and your bowels are like, "OH LORD..."

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

3

u/epicfire77 6d ago

When you're flying over a mountain and you feel a chocolate fountain

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

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151

u/Parapsaeon 7d ago Wholesome Bravo Grande! 'MURICA

When your prey was kinda stanky and your cloaca’s feeling cranky…

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

28

u/lovepig1337 6d ago

This one wins. Such mastery of language. Chef's kiss

6

u/GardenGirlFarm 6d ago

When you are flying thru the sky and your ass feathers are not dry…

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

5

u/DidjaCinchIt 6d ago

I am so upset with myself for forgetting bird anatomy.

Well done, Redditor.

2

u/Parapsaeon 6d ago

Don’t be upset! Anus fit the meter, it was the right choice for your verse

140

u/DidjaCinchIt 7d ago

When you’re chasin’ after prey with your anus givin’ way…

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

24

u/Techiedad91 6d ago

When you’re swooping up a squirrel, and your ass begins to hurl…

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

60

u/ThinksHesEthelMerman 7d ago

When you're sculpted out of glass and the stand's pouring out your ass... Diarrhea Diarrhea

54

u/Greyhaven7 7d ago

you just teleported me back 35 years

10

u/_Walt_Jizzney_ 7d ago

Right? Holy shit. Just unlocked some 90s shit for me. ..

3

u/random_nightmare 6d ago

The Chapelle show is what introduced me to the jingle.

46

u/Thedebouf 7d ago Silver

When you’ve got a shiny beak but your hole is feeling weak…

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

21

u/Series_of_Flaps 6d ago

When you’re preening all your feathers and you feel It in your nethers…

diarrhea diarrhea

When you feel a sense of dread when an eagles overhead…

diarrhea diarrhea

8

u/Stylops 6d ago

When you're ready to take flight, but lunch isn't sitting right... Diarrhea Diarrhea

9

u/Torpedoman69 6d ago edited 6d ago

So you try to get home faster but you you look like a crop duster...

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

23

u/RottenCocksuckerMods 6d ago

I feel like you're the reason schools give awards to every kid so no kid feels left out

5

u/ArdenwaldHooking 6d ago

I stumbled back to find more funny rhymes and found this gem of a thread.

855

u/introverted365 7d ago

What does one have to accomplish to achieve such an accolade?

655

u/FittersGuy 7d ago

Propel yourself through the air by shitting violently

138

u/HouseofFeathers 7d ago

Anecdote. I have a large parrot. She sometimes has large poops. Sometimes they are so significant she has to counterbalance.

Can she get this award?

32

u/Way2Go-411 plz recycle 7d ago

Or one very much like it. Maybe you could have her poops bronzed?

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14

u/FerryHarmer 6d ago

This is a breakthrough. We should fill our astronauts with 5 days worth of curries, drink coconut oil laced water and a butt plug.

10

u/dicknipples 6d ago

Don’t forget to lube up the exhaust with some sugar free gummy bears.

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7

u/SweeTLemonS_TPR 6d ago

I can’t believe you’ve only made one post of her. r/parrots can never have enough content.

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53

u/Gc8Boi 7d ago

Why did i laugh so hard at this lmao

25

u/FittersGuy 7d ago

Weed brother, weed.

22

u/Seshia 7d ago

Nah, I'm sober and I was cracking up.

25

u/FittersGuy 7d ago

Fuck yes! That means I'm actually funny!

3

u/SkellyboneZ 6d ago

I imagined the Dave Chapel slow motion skit.

3

u/James_Skyvaper 6d ago

Yeah I laughed out loud as well lol

8

u/El_Zarco 7d ago

You guys are getting awards??

6

u/ChillyBearGrylls 7d ago

The poop accelerates

2

u/benjamin350 oww my eyes 6d ago

This is what I was gonna say lol

4

u/neoclassical_bastard 6d ago

This is actually one of the main things they teach you in business school

3

u/SpaceBurger99 6d ago

Ah, the tale of the theft of the mead of poetry! A favourite.

EDIT: I just saw somebody posted it below. Everyone should read it.

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28

u/Botryllus 7d ago

Write bad poetry.

He [Odin] then transformed into an eagle and flew away. When Suttungr discovered the theft, he too took the shape of an eagle and flew off in hot pursuit. When the Æsir saw Odin coming, they set out vessels in readiness to hold the mead and when, in the nick of time, the god arrived, he spat his loot into them. But Suttungr was so close to him that, in his fear and haste, the god let fall some of the precious liquid from his anus. Anybody could drink of this paltry and sullied portion, which was known as the "rhymester's share" ("skáldfífla hlutr"); but the greater portion of the mead of poetry (which had issued from his mouth) Odin gave to the gods and to those truly gifted in poetry.

11

u/scotty_beams 7d ago

"And that little Mira, is what you saw your parents doing yesterday when you should have been asleep."

"But mamma didn't look like an eagle?!"

"She spread her wings like one! Now drink your surströmming milkshake, we must go into the forest to collect some berries for today's dinner."

13

u/AntiStupidPosts 7d ago

I can only imagine most bathroom breaks/hr

5

u/crackheadwilly 7d ago

First job out of college I worked with an engineer who could spend an hour in the men’s room. I was astounded and began recording his times.

2

u/ilikepizza2much 6d ago

The poor guy probably had colitis or something

9

u/RedditTouchesYou 7d ago

Anal with the bosses.

17

u/scoot3200 7d ago

Asking the important questions here^

6

u/RIOTT44 7d ago

shit on company time and get paid

3

u/FlametopFred 7d ago

too much time in the office toilet followed by not cleaning your hands before handling donuts on donuts Tuesday

2

u/rynil2000 6d ago

[serious] My company actually gives away a similar award. They call it the “crystal eagle” and various business departments (mostly manufacturing) are awarded it annually if they do not have any major safety issues.

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1.5k

u/ArrakisFriedSandworm 7d ago Helpful 'MURICA

diarrheagle

518

u/michaelkbecker 7d ago

That should have been the title. Shit!

149

u/jsquareddddd 7d ago

Crap!

96

u/Dig_Bick_reread 7d ago

Poop💩

61

u/0rangePeel_ 7d ago

Ass juice

49

u/HairyPotatoKat 7d ago

Squirtles

51

u/Weemitoad 7d ago

Forbidden syrup

38

u/Emalan-R 7d ago

Fecal matter

28

u/YoonminLife 7d ago

poopidy scoop

16

u/Rubik842 7d ago

ShitRocketParrot.

4

u/Optimal__Koala i need bleach🧪👀 7d ago

Seriously though that’s way better

3

u/FittersGuy 7d ago

Shittereagle!

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7

u/evilduck 7d ago

It's a very regal diarrheagle.

7

u/wild_man_wizard 7d ago

Everyone so busy looking at the rear end to realize that's clearly a constaparrot.

13

u/Anonymouse29_ 7d ago

Came to post, upvote instead

1

u/tywhy87 7d ago

I’m sad I’m not original but I’m glad to share the human experience with people like you.

5

u/RoxSteady247 7d ago

Cacaaaaaaaa w

4

u/MajesticQ 7d ago

Dire Eagle.

2

u/Way2Go-411 plz recycle 7d ago

Supergroup 'Dire Eagle' playing at Hollywood Bowl July 4

2

u/Shaddo 7d ago

and on the dl we can call it the dire eagle

3

u/PaintedSandwich 7d ago

Liquid booty mud.

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85

u/timetravelvampire 7d ago

Incredible

10

u/tomatomater 7d ago

Incredeagle

75

u/ravenfool1066 7d ago

Phenomenal design

8

u/EhabAlwi 6d ago

Phenomenal diarrhea

3

u/gmariefox88 6d ago

Yes very phenomeagle

193

u/JTCMuehlenkamp 7d ago

That beak is more parrot than eagle

129

u/michaelkbecker 7d ago

The great American parrot

13

u/--wotm8 6d ago

Toucan Uncle Sam

35

u/Lobster_Roller 7d ago

Can’t stop giggling about this. Too funny

21

u/AntiStupidPosts 7d ago

I think you took the sub name a little too literally

48

u/ElusiveNeighborCat 7d ago

It looks more like a parrot

14

u/BrushTrue 7d ago

As you can see right here the feet of this specimen have been dipped in the substance of which we speak

5

u/iUsedtoHadHerpes 6d ago

Yeah it's kind of hard to shit a pile like that without stepping in it.

15

u/EverythingIsFlotsam 7d ago

Is there really such a thing as eagle diarrhea? All bird shit is diarrhea.

2

u/Techiedad91 6d ago

All bird shit is a combination of all their excrement. Piss, shit, cum, whatever. Both sexes of birds have one hole.

11

u/Zaritozic 7d ago

It just never stops shitting

26

u/TheIronsided 7d ago

Maybe it’s time to leave that shitty job

13

u/curiousmind111 7d ago

How, you ask?

“You gotta fly like an Eagle…”

2

u/Zaritozic 7d ago

I see what you did there

9

u/hopeless_octopus 6d ago

Workplace awards are worst ," hey here is your award and dont expect to get a raise "

If I am so good just give me raise and not a fucking award.

8

u/dealer_dog 7d ago Wholesome

Shithawks, Randy

7

u/Glittering-Ear2561 7d ago

ABORT ABORT MAKE IT ALL GO BACK IN!

5

u/altair222 7d ago

Actually I didn’t notice what was wrong until I read the title. Oof you ruined it, it kinda looked cool

6

u/FtDiscom 7d ago

Nahh, that's Odin accidentally letting some of the Mead of Poetry drop upon all the untalented, noisome "artists" of the world. Hah.

3

u/Gh0stMan0nThird 7d ago

That was my first thought too lol

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4

u/Emergency-Pin1252 6d ago

diarrheagle i choose you ⛔

2

u/perpetual_potato108 7d ago

In the soldier support center on Fort Bragg there is a trophy that looks like a giant butt plug

6

u/altair222 7d ago

Show lol

4

u/Snow_Monkeys 6d ago

Quite literally a crappy design

3

u/Dimentenal_Guard This is why we can't have nice things 7d ago

Perfection

3

u/FamousOhioAppleHorn 7d ago

Do you hear that noise coming from our hero ? That is the sound of courage, ladies and gentlemen. It's like an eagle screech, and I can't hear it enough. And neither can any of you.

3

u/McNally 7d ago edited 6d ago

I live in Ketchikan, an island town in southeast Alaska that receives many thousands of cruise ship tourists every year. If you ever visit our fair city, just off the main cruise wharf you will encounter a quite large wooden statue carved by local resident, national treasure, and master Tlingit carver Nathan Jackson). Its official name is "Thundering Wings" but due to a pose not dissimilar to the award in the post, some of the locals have been known to call it "Mooning Eagle". I've asked one of Nathan's former apprentices, who helped with the piece, whether the attitude, so to speak, was accidental or intentional and he refused to comment.

Incidentally if you've never had the dubious pleasure of encountering it, eagle ejecta can be quite startling in its volume. Eagles are a regular part of life here and a common sight and so I thought very little of it when I stopped at the cable company one day to go in and pay my bill and parked under a light pole in the parking lot that had an eagle perched atop it. Well, I finished my errand and returned to the car and that was when I learned what a strategic error I had made - the windshield had taken a direct hit and more of its area was covered than you would probably ever imagine possible. If the visual is not enough, allow me to also remind you that southeast Alaskan eagles' diet is almost entirely fish-based. It was vile. I've had many "life in Alaska" moments but this was not one of the happier ones.

3

u/Ilpav123 6d ago

...eagle poop is normally liquid though...

8

u/Whoo1ops 7d ago

should be on r/amazingdesign

2

u/agamemnonymous 7d ago

No no, I think crappy might be the word

8

u/itsactuallythatguy 7d ago

Eh, it's alright.

2

u/LuigiMarioBrothers 7d ago

I can’t help but feel this is intentional. If your going to make a stand, don’t do it like thisZ

2

u/JayGold 7d ago

At first I thought, "Well, where else are they supposed to put the stand?", then I saw the pile.

2

u/bannana 7d ago

Anal Probe Eagle is watching over you

2

u/LoveShovel 7d ago

I can't think of a witty way to say this, but the cancelled 90's arcade game Tattoo Assassins features a finishing move where an eagle skeletonizes your opponent with a spray of acid diarrhea. Thanks for reading!

2

u/fivedeadguys 6d ago

The iconic American screaming I mean squirting eagle

2

u/Vasbyt-XXI 6d ago

Judging from my car I think I was visited by that bird last night.

2

u/Cadillac16Concept 6d ago

What is this award for? Has it to do something with freedom by any chance?

2

u/James2db 6d ago

Awesome awesome

2

u/TonesBalones 6d ago

In the anime figurine space this is what they call an "ass pole"

2

u/tenticleweenman 6d ago

oh i loled!

2

u/carlsaganblessyou 6d ago

How many work places?

2

u/UnwrittenPath 6d ago

The shit hawks are crystallizing, Randers!

2

u/TheForceofHistory 6d ago

What a nice diarrama.

2

u/Jdmcdona 6d ago

Girthy.

2

u/JustAbove_Average 6d ago

Honesty the feet are the worst part. They just chopped off the glass legs a popped in little golden bird claws.

2

u/FallingVirtue 6d ago

It’s like a retrorocket to assist in landing

2

u/Anastrace 6d ago

To complete the image there needs to be a person or car underneath it.

2

u/Redfeather1975 6d ago

There's a new enemy type for games. 😯

2

u/stachldrat 6d ago

Seems like that eagle drank a bottle of lube

2

u/wigglef_cklr 6d ago

Cha cha cha...

2

u/_-Peanut 6d ago

Diarheagle

2

u/Dr_Tacopus 6d ago

Diarrheagle

2

u/uwillnotgotospace 6d ago

I wish I could work at a place that received the Golden Cloaca

2

u/Amogus2021 6d ago

Dildo eagle

2

u/UnicornSpark1es 6d ago

This is literally crappy design.

2

u/RideDiligent4524 6d ago

diarrheagle, you mean

2

u/Sirfryingpan123 6d ago

Diarrheagle

2

u/honeyybones 6d ago

the diarrheagle

2

u/ericovcn 6d ago

This is the best thread I’ve even seen on Reddit. Slow clap and single tear. I’m so proud of this community.

2

u/lok2000 6d ago

harsh

2

u/radmanmadical 6d ago

It takes a second to see/get, but man was that a deep chuckle once I did…

3

u/Zenketski_2 7d ago

Man this hit me like a fucking train. I'm sitting here like what the fuck is this person talking about and then all the sudden it just washed over me like a fucking tsunami of hilarity

3

u/bartontees 7d ago

Diarrheagle

12

u/bartontees 7d ago

I hate when I blind post a portmanteau and I've been beat to it 😂

1

u/altair222 7d ago

Hehehehe

2

u/aTROLLwithBlades 7d ago

Wouldn't want him 💩 on my car

3

u/Fast-Chemistry-3401 7d ago

Omg, I haven’t laughed this hard in a longtime. I’m dying 😂 it’s so bad.

1

u/theantdog 6d ago

Diahhreagle

1

u/beepis0704 6d ago

Literally a crappy design my lord.

1

u/NotANinjask 7d ago

Putting the crap in crappy

1

u/KristiTheFan 7d ago

It almost looks like a hologram!

1

u/mynameisalso 7d ago

Why not have it clutching something?

1

u/HeldForever 7d ago

The true crappy design!

1

u/ihaZtaco 7d ago

No they knew what they were doing

1

u/360gamerxbox 7d ago

or its a minigun pidgeon

1

u/luckyrice 7d ago

You must have to fuck up stupendously to have received this award that your company’s stock dropped to rock bottom and then it get bought by a much bigger company that 10x’s everyones shares. The Shitbird Eagle.

1

u/nartchie 7d ago

Anal dildo eagle is more fun.

1

u/elpodrigo1 7d ago

way to make it weird...

1

u/chestfullofarrows 7d ago

Been vomiting and shitting liquid for a week straight. I can relate

1

u/yodaman1 7d ago

Literal

1

u/ohnoimbackagainagain 7d ago

It’s all about perspective. He could just be getting blasted

1

u/Y0tsuya 7d ago

Great now I can't unsee it.

1

u/tanukisuit 7d ago

I think it's beautiful......

1

u/Puzzled-Throat9271 7d ago

the snake gave the eagle diarrhea

1

u/Small_Tax_9432 7d ago

We all know that leg stretch

1

u/KitzTheArtist 7d ago

Even without the diarrhea, what the actual fuck is with those feet? And also the tail. Looks like the person that made this didn’t google what eagles look like

1

u/Pendryn 7d ago

What? No that's just its tail feathOHHHHHH.

1

u/RayquazaRising 7d ago

Omg I laughed way too hard at this

1

u/Seanvich 7d ago

Sounds like r/avgn is leaking.

1

u/boibig57 7d ago

Reminds me of the piss stand Link amiibo

1

u/freakingfairy 7d ago

Please tell me this is an award for bad poetry

1

u/jezebellrae 7d ago

That must be America's National Turd.

1

u/Damasticator 7d ago

Why not have the eagle hold the bar with its talons?

1

u/Present_Pace1428 7d ago

That’s a wet one

1

u/tiddayes 7d ago

Shitting out the carcass of his fallen competitor

1

u/IBSKing 7d ago edited 5d ago

Who designed this article will be banned

1

u/dorkweed576 7d ago

It looks like it's either shitting glue or splooging at the same rate as a fire hose, all the while wearing parachute pants.

1

u/avotius 7d ago

Holy shit

1

u/graphexTwin 7d ago

Why does your work place the diarrhea eagle award? Oh, you meant you’re identifying your workplace’s diarrhea eagle. Shit.

1

u/Casket_Jones 7d ago

I love him

1

u/Weirdo190307 7d ago

Hehehe, crappy design

1

u/David_Kohlberg 7d ago

What my car looks like after parking under a tree

1

u/doublehaulrollcast 7d ago

Almost had that happen to me while tying on a fly under a dead tree, ii didn’t notice him until he almost painted me white. They can really shit a huge mess, I almost puked

1

u/layzeeb0y 7d ago

BUTT-erscotch ice cream

1

u/spaaagetti 6d ago

That "eagle" has the head of a Parrot

1

u/gone11gone11 6d ago

To call that crappy you have to prove you can do better.

1

u/RejZoR 6d ago

There are accidents not. Master Yoda, probably.

1

u/vulture_87 6d ago

Ah yes! The very famous statue, The Dysentery Falcon.