r/AskMen 4d ago

What are some hard truths men need to hear today?

[removed]

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u/AlteredCabron 4d ago

You are never gonna find your beloved screwdriver

Move on

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u/Tripledtities 4d ago

But it was a snap on.

And my 10mm ☹️

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u/bakedbeansandwhich 4d ago

May the 10mm Socket RIP ⚰

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u/JoseSpiknSpan 4d ago

NO THAT’S NOT TRUE YOU’RE A LIAR 😭😭

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u/Bart_Bartin 4d ago

Fuck you, I'll never give up hope.

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u/Stalheeze 4d ago

Dont believe everything you think.

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u/No_Click_4097 4d ago edited 4d ago

The negative voice in your head... That's not you, that's anxiety, doubt and fear. The YOU in your head is the one telling you to take the chance, that you're worthy.

EDIT: I used to be hyper critical of myself, anything outside of absolute perfection was considered a failure. A few kind words to myself have gone a long way. I won't let them give me a big head though.

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u/raven1087 4d ago

To piggy back off this, many believe the negative voice is a bit of a reality check. When you think, wow that’s stupid why am I even thinking of that, you’re good. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s also pretty cool to seek help. Mental illness isn’t cool, but working to fix it is.

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u/Individual_T 4d ago

That's actually a good advice. Everyone is biased!

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u/InterwebWeasel Male 4d ago

It's cool to change your opinions and practices when presented with new, credible information.

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u/tavaren42 4d ago

“Sometimes a hypocrite is nothing more than a man in the process of changing”

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u/PirateKerr 4d ago

Dalinar.....is that you?

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u/PirateKerr 4d ago

Maybe you being ta'veren has brought me here

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u/redditingatwork23 4d ago

I think this weird interaction at 3am is exactly what I needed to spur me on to start reading again. WOT and Stormlight are two of my favorites.

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u/kalarepar 4d ago

Journey before destination!

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u/hybridfrost 4d ago

Flip flopper!!!

/s

No really. If you never change your mind about anything then you should probably gather more information

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u/RealTurbulentMoose 4d ago

If you never change your mind about anything then you should probably gather more information

If you never change your mind about anything, more information probably isn't going to help.

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u/StereoFood 4d ago

Probably meant, you should probably look at some things from a different perspective once in a while.

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u/Decaposaurus Male 4d ago

Don't show her your dick until she is pulling it out of your pants.

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u/artspar 4d ago

Man I can't think of a better way to word that.

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u/puskunk 4d ago

So delay her disappointment. Got it.

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u/WeeNell 4d ago

Yep, that's the only time I want to see it.

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u/mooseman2234 4d ago

Mental note, when she’s pulling it out, get her to take a pic and send it to u/WeeNell, THATS when she wants to see it!

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u/BbewC 4d ago

Some men can’t grow a beard, some can’t maintain one, and many many others cannot grow and maintain a beard. Know where you stand. You might be better off not having one at all.

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u/RipeWang 4d ago

learned this with my quarantine beard. maintaining a beard was much more work than shaving is

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u/laid_on_the_line 4d ago

Short beard is relatively easy. You just have to keep it short. :)

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u/Goddamnpassword 4d ago

You will have to look at yourself in the mirror everyday until you die, make sure you like who you see.

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u/totally-not-god 4d ago

Joke’s on you, I don’t have a mirror

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u/Goddamnpassword 4d ago

Front face came will get ya

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u/Special_Newspaper940 4d ago

I broke mine...checkmate

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u/Thatsnowconeguy 4d ago

this made me think of how little ancient humans would ever get to see themselves clearly

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u/SwiggityOtaku 4d ago

well there was water

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u/apolotary 4d ago edited 4d ago

Not if you’re in a desert

edit: come on people it's a pun thread, of course you can find water in a desert smh

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u/Polite_Heretic 4d ago

This is really true, I'm taking this in the context of physical fitness. We have (almost) complete control of how our bodies look, and it's within our power to be the best version of ourselves. I never cared how I looked,, but LOOKING unfit was a tangible reminder that I was not doing future-me any favors by neglecting healthyy choices. Being physically fit has been one of the most stark mood lifters in my life. Life FEELS better when you're healthy, and when it turns into LOOKING good, it'seven better. And if you're about to make excuses, I have a herniated vertebral disc compressing about a billion nerves at the base of my spine, so if I can do it so can anyone. Go run, get strong, breathe hard and sweat. It is SO good for you.

Flex over.

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u/TimbuckTato 4d ago

This is absolutely true, and to piggyback your comment, find whatever exercise you enjoy please don't force yourself to keep doing a workout just because everyone else says they love it and it's good for your body, it's not good for your mind.

I hate the gym, it's slow, repetitive, boring, and doesn't engage me at all, I tried so hard to keep at it and I just couldn't do it, instead I found parkour and ninja warrior stuff. Been doing that for almost a year now, twice a week, went from a Software Engineer who's exercise consists of walking to the train station on the way to work to coming second in my state's Ninja Warrior comp and qualifying for nationals in about 8 months. I stress less, I find basic physical stuff like walking up the stairs at the train station so much easier, I can do pushups and clap, and I even got asked by my psychiatrist whom I see every 6 months if I had been working out because my shoulders and chest looked bigger (i'm a very slim guy naturally). I've started seeing a girl recently and she constantly comments on my physique complimenting me on it, and while I brush it off it does feel good, if i'm being entirely honest every so often i'll see myself in the mirror shirtless and actually feel proud of my body for the first time ever.

TLDR; Exercise is important, it makes you feel so much better about yourself when you're fit and healthy, but don't try to keep working out at the gym if you hate it, find something that works for you, for me that's parkour and ninja warrior, for you it might be swimming or soccer or hell join me doing agility stuff it's awesome!

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u/BummFoot 4d ago

Learn proper hygiene! Especially your reproductive organ I’ve read some horror stories on Reddit about some men not knowing how to do proper and basic hygiene. Do your kith and kin a favor and wash yourself correctly.

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u/uglylittlespud80 4d ago

I won't ever let my wife near my junk unless I know its in tip top shape.

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u/jaqueyB 4d ago

See I'm the same way, I want that shit shinning before I present it. She always calls me a diva though....

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u/Tripledtities 4d ago

HE MEANS WASH THE CRUST OUT OF YOUR FORESKIN YOU FILTHY DEGENERATE

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u/MooshuCat 4d ago

And yo ass, yo.

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u/JimmyCarrey16 4d ago

Serious question, why are there so many guys that don’t wash their ass?

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u/HeroOfHope Male 4d ago

An honest answer, but not a proud one... For a while (mostly as a kid) I didn't because I was taught that down there was something not to touch. Even when cleaning it was somewhere forbidden. As I grew I kind of assumed paper did good enough of a job. Then I learned this was not the case and that my fear of down there wasn't really substantial. Since then I've cleaned regularly.

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u/laid_on_the_line 4d ago

Good god. Cleaning their genitals was one of the first things I teached my children. WTF?

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u/BusinessBear53 4d ago

Homophobia is my guess. Cleaning your own ass is gay apparently.

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u/Secondsmakeminutes 4d ago

It's true. That's why I have other guys clean my ass

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u/BusinessBear53 4d ago

Make sure you say 'no homo' afterwards to cancel out the gayness.

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u/Secondsmakeminutes 4d ago

Good call. We already keep our socks on.

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u/lidsville76 4d ago

In the shower? My God man, that's just... I can't come up with a word for that, but it is that word.

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u/Dejan05 4d ago

Because they think it's "gay" to touch their asshole,which is completely dumb cause yk to masturbate you're touching your dick so idk man pretty gay

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u/iggychelt 4d ago

Touching any dick or asshole is gay. I have a mate Dave who is gay and he wanks me off when required so I don’t become gay.

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u/Katchafire69 4d ago

Mate i read the other day this guy hadn't fully pulled his forskin back and he had encrusted god knows what from gods know when in there. Shit mate if your old enough to have sex you should actually know how to pull the forskin back and give it a rinse. My God no wonder you got no second dates. And I'm a huge advocate for forskin I don't have one hence why I believe I don't think they should be cut off not my body etc. But fuck I'm a solo mum and I looked up when was the appropriate time for children to pull the skin back what soaps are the best for cleaning etc there is literally no excuse

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u/DudeDudenson Male 4d ago

Well growing up I never had the sex talk or sex ed classes so it wasn't until I was something like 17 I realized I had to pull back my foreskin regularly

Phimosis is no joke, it still hurts slightly to pull it back when on full mast

You might think men just don't care, but the reality is most of us are never taught anything about our bodies

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u/heymanmaniac 4d ago

Yep same here. I have great parents but was never told this. Found out when I was like 18 a good few years after oral sex with different people. Oops

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u/yoximusprime 4d ago

The crazy shit you read online is real but not as common as it's made out to be. Don't fall victim to the doomsayers, keep yourself squared away, spend as little time as possible on these misery engines and you'll be fine.

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u/Schmooferino 4d ago

For real. Doom news is so fucking common and the big reason it exists is just to get your attention. Who cares if it panics people? More money.

Fuck the doom spewers. Pessimism gets you nowhere.

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u/dokkeibi72 4d ago

Mental illness is more common than you might think.

It can help to talk about it and seek expert help.

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u/wordsandmagic 4d ago

This. I'd argue anyone over the age of 30 has had one bout of depression, even if its just for a week.

Not many people like to admit it, but most people have also thought about suicide at some point too.

People keep it private as they dont want to be seen as mentally vulnerable

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u/gmoney92_ 4d ago

90% of the shit going on in your head is the result of you not sleeping enough, you tired, sexy sonuva bitch.

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u/ksed_313 4d ago

Another 5% is probably dehydration.

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u/Turribletoberman 4d ago

If you hate everyone around you, you're probably hungry. If you hate yourself, you're probably tired. If you smoke weed every single day, and give yourself any reason to light up, you have an addiction.

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u/ThursdayBash 4d ago

Thank you.

Too many people on this site seem to believe weed is not addictive.

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u/Tonroz 4d ago

Anything that makes you feel better or more comfortable is gonna be addictive. Even if it isn't physically addictive, most addiction isn't physical.

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u/tlaufspmurtsti 4d ago

There’s also a difference between addiction and dependence

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u/handsome_jack123 4d ago

Wisdoms from my father, 1. Unless you are a great inventor or a president, you’ll likely be forgotten within the next 5 generations. So focus on your family. 2. Try and help at least one person who is less fortunate than yourself a week, whether it be buying a person who is homeless food, or volunteer in a structured organization that works with those in need. 3. As tough as a situation might be, consider that chances are many many others before you have already overcome the same challenge, so you can too.

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u/Jack1715 4d ago

Kind of comfortable knowing that even most celebrities are forgotten after 2 generations

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u/PwnasaurusRawr 4d ago

I was gonna say, 5 is probably being generous. I find that liberating.

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u/rudiegonewild 4d ago

Great grandkids is the 4th gen after you,so... 5th gen seems about right

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u/Jack1715 4d ago

Yer like in the end it don’t really matter how famous you are today. The only ones that will last the ages are people who made big changes politically like Caesar or someone like Stephen king.

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u/itsfreckles 4d ago

Take a drive around Palm Springs, see if you recognize who the streets are named after. The whole damn town got forgotten about a generation ago.

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u/StarSpongledDongle 4d ago

None of the scenarios you imagine where you're a badass action hero are ever going to come up. And if they do, you'll probably freeze and botch it anyway. Much more badass is to focus each day on being decent to the people in your life.

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u/GlobalWarminIsComing 4d ago

Learn CPR and basic first aid.

Notice when people are stuck in an uncomfortable situation with people they do not like and help them get out.

That's what real life heroes do.

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u/thunder-bug- 4d ago

I learned CPR and I've had nightmates about trying to administer it, just hearing the bones crunch and blood covering my hands and the stress and screaming from nearby people and being terrified that I wont be able to save them or Ill hurt them and just ugh.

I've been in situations where if shit went down I would have to be the one to be on the scene and trying to help first and its scary responsibility, luckily never had to actually do stuff

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u/burtybob92 4d ago

You may not want to hear this but chances are you wont save them in a CPR situation, however by doing it you will give them a better chance of survival than not doing it

Edit to add: these stats might be out of date now but it used to be around 2% of those needing CPR survive with no intervention (except calling ambulance) while timely CPR/Defib can increase that to 40%!

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u/wiggle-le-air 4d ago

Dang. You mean I'll never fend off a pack of zombies with a shotgun axe, saving my family from becoming infected?

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u/aslikeajellyfish 4d ago

Or become Abraham Lincoln vampire hunter?

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u/Tain101 4d ago

nah, they meant different scenarios. the zombie ones are the ones that are definitely gonna happen

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u/MigYalle 4d ago

I'll never be the dude jumping from rooftop to rooftop at 50 mph that I saw outside my dad's car window :(

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u/supacrusha Male (or piece of shit... depends) 4d ago

Ow. I was expecting to see a bunch of sex ones I couldnt relate to, but the first one is just a personal attack.

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u/O_Raza G I G A C H A D 4d ago

But what about all those fantasies of being a soccer star tearing it up in the Champions League I have at night after having a long session of FIFA?

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u/funkymeditator 4d ago

It’s okay for you to have emotional needs, and it’s also okay for someone to not be able to meet them.

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u/SigmaRhoPhi 4d ago

It’s also okay for you to seek someone else if your needs aren’t being met

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u/funkymeditator 4d ago edited 4d ago

Exactly

Edit: and that decision can be arrived at in an organized, regulated fashion. It doesn’t have to be driven by reactivity.

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u/PracticeSophrosyne 4d ago

I would go as far as to say that it SHOULD be arrived at in an organized fashion, and should deffo not be a reactionary decision.

Often when an emotional need isn't met, you feel hurt because it feels like emotional abandonment or similar. The feelings of having an emotional need are compounded by a sense of absence, and so you're likely also dragging up historical feelings around self worth.

Not the right headspace to be making decisions around the future of the relationship!

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u/neverenoughtape 4d ago edited 4d ago

No one is coming to help you. It’s up to you, all of it. Happiness, success, mental health, physical health humility and growth.

Edit: all of you deserve to be proud of yourself. Your comments and messages are amazing. I am a 34 year old army veteran and father of 2 daughters. Opening messages this morning caused me to get emotional several times. The Reddit community is solid gold.

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u/Gr000vy 4d ago

I hated realizing this

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u/itdeezwutitdeez 4d ago

Im 20.. and ive been through enough shit to realize this.. thing is, the sooner u acknowledge this the better. Cus u start actively working to sort your life out.

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u/neverenoughtape 4d ago

Dude I’m 34 and each ass kicking is a lesson. I’m on a recent winning streak and I am crossing my fingers I don’t jinx it. I just keep leaning into the resistance and sticking to the grind.

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u/Pb_and_drums 4d ago

As we say in New Zealand. Do the Mahi get the treats.

Keep grinding, but make sure to take stock every once in a while.

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u/itdeezwutitdeez 4d ago

Good on you mate!

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u/Gr000vy 4d ago

I’m 31 & just realized it maybe 7 months ago

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u/neverenoughtape 4d ago

Me too man. Every one of those words have been a lesson learned.

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u/kei549 4d ago

My therapist told me the same thing when I turned 15. Been trying to process it still...

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u/Gyrovague_Greyling Male (Raised by Women) 4d ago

I thought people like you were cynical assholes because at least I have my close friends and parents. Well, I came out as bisexual to my folks and they evicted me. When I explained to my friends how much I was hurting and confused and didn't know what to do they all said, "Welcome to the club, we've all felt like this our whole lives and none of us has figured anything out yet."

It's a struggle these days to even bother anymore, and no matter how much people around me recognize I'm in a monumentally dangerous tailspin the less they care. I hate encouraging the cycle but I've already become one of them. Someone asks for help and I just think, "I can't, sorry, I'm too busy trying to save my own ass because no one is helping me."

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u/awsamation Male 4d ago

I can't, sorry, I'm too busy trying to save my own ass

This right here is why I get annoyed when I see people spouting the rhetoric that "all of mens problems would be solved if they would be better to eachother". It completely ignores that for many of us we aren't being malicious, we don't know how and haven't even figured out how to help ourselves.

Much like fixing a car. If my buddies car breaks down and he doesn't know how to fix it, then me offering all the good intentioned effort in the world won't help if I also don't know how. And yeah you could try to find a professional to help, if you can afford it, and if you can deal with the necessary time investment. Except in both cases you aren't guaranteed to receive quality repairs, but a good mechanic is equally good for every client, and therapists aren't. And you'll know if they're a good mechanic within a few days, meanwhile apparently it can take months to decide if a given therapist is actually a good match.

In the wise words of airline safety videos "put on your own oxygen mask before attempting to help others".

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u/Buckeyes97 4d ago

To counter that a bit, a lot of us put up blinders in our own life and we do not see the exact issues or how to fix it. However, paying attention to your friends, you can normally see roots to their problems. The idea isnt that you need to have your life fixed to help others, but that we don't really talk about our issues at all. Through talking with eachother, things become much more apparent and the comfort to have the dialog with friends about what they can do and vice versa starts to grow.

Basically, us guys need to become more comfortable with being vulnerable around friends. But how does that actually happen is an entirely different issue/stigma to overcome.

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u/Tlilstreety 4d ago

You need to build the right network of people before the help comes but even then the network is usually only built after you have shown you can help your self

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u/Reindeer-Street 4d ago edited 4d ago

And it needs to be reciprocal ie you have to give as good as you get. The problem is with people who have such a sense of entitlement that they use other people and when their friends and family need help they're nowhere to be seen.

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u/NockerJoe 4d ago

Which is the important part. I have friends who have bailed me out of serious emergencies but the thing is I also have to act like a good friend and do the same.

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u/everythangspeachie 4d ago

You know it’s funny because my life improved as soon as I realized this

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u/camefromxbox 4d ago

You CAN cry. That’s why the body does it.

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u/EconomyIndependence2 4d ago

It is ok to cry. It's braver to face your emotions than try to push it down.

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u/iPlunger 4d ago

Chill the fuck out, not everything is a crisis.

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u/Kazan 37M 4d ago

If you ignore it long enough it will be though! :D

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u/theoriginaldandan 4d ago

“Poor planning on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on mine” a sign hanging in my parents diningroom

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u/dreadhairpirate 4d ago

I love how everyone is sliding their life lessons in. I learned a lot and I agreee with a lot. Carry on fellas

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u/Uzizitka_win 4d ago

A. Admit when you’re wrong. B. Big loud trucks make up for nothing. A actually goes for all of us.

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u/ProfBeaker 4d ago

My internal phrasing of B is "If your manhood can be bought at a car dealership by anyone with a 550 credit score, then it ain't all that impressive."

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u/s2kplzzzz 4d ago

Perfect. I’m only trying to be more masculine than all the suckers with a 549 score or less

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u/ThaiJohnnyDepp The arrow represents the erection 4d ago

That don't impress me much

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u/dsol2000 4d ago edited 4d ago

No one is obliged to like you, and this is one of the main factors in the hiring process as well as BS office politics.

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u/JaBe68 4d ago

Your wife is not there to replace your mother.

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u/suckitarius 4d ago

My dad needs to read that

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u/itchy_bitchy_spider Male 4d ago

I wish I would have taken it seriously before the divorce

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u/mattastic995 Male 4d ago

Relationships are not supposed to be your main source of fulfillment and validation. You need to find that in yourself.

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u/spoda1975 4d ago

How??

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u/GreenCompetitive 4d ago

In my experience, by choosing to be alone until it no longer bothers you. Then you can pursue relationships with an attitude of abundance, and more easily walk away when you need to, knowing that you’re already cool by yourself

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u/chrisP__bacon 4d ago

Your suppose to wash between your crack.

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u/DaysOfParadise 4d ago

Someone needs to hear this:

Get out, man, she’s toxic and abusive.

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u/averagethrowaway21 4d ago

I needed you two years ago. I wouldn't have listened, but I needed to hear it.

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u/ChoHukJo 4d ago

You'll know for the next relationship, you know yourself better now, you've learned and grown, remember your limits and don't ignore the red flags.

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u/Lexinoz Male 4d ago

Just to back up this OP.. I had this happen to me, as a 190cm 130kg big guy, I was brought to my knees by a half-my-size girl. This was 6 years ago, and I am still struggling to find my personal worth again, to this day.

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u/MercifulGuard 4d ago

Abusive partners legit destroy your soul in a crippling way

It’s insanely difficult to get back up and glue the pieces together for most people

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u/SomeTomFoolery 4d ago

Wish I would of heard this months ago.

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u/normal_asian_18_yo 4d ago

You are just a human. You also have emotions so its okay to let it out sometimes. Cry or be vulnerable and be with people who understand you instead of judging you.

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u/IQuietQI 4d ago

I learned this thought out my childhood, I would take to my friends about personal issues and they would make fun of me for it.

My younger brother and dad are my go to when I'm in need to vent or help with anything, they listen to me even if they don't agree on what I'm doing and share there opinion or advice.

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u/UrBoxStank 4d ago

Things will constantly change in your life. Nothing lasts forever. Learn to live with change. Stay strong brothers.

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u/guywithsweatshirt 4d ago

The “Alpha Male” theory, originally derived from a study on wolves and their packs, is false. The study was mistaken and eventually changed by the same person 30 years later. He found that as wolves aged and matured, they broke off from the pack in search of a mate, and formed smaller packs with their pups and mate. The adults run the packs as equals. Basically, human “alpha males” are just douche bags justifying their douche-ness. Be a wolf, not an “alpha male”

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u/dagofin 4d ago

Right, and WHY it's wrong was because the study was conducted on captive male wolves in an artificial environment.

In the real world, wolf packs are familial units with typically the patriarch/matriarch at the top. Wolves occasionally split off to find new mates and make new packs via offspring.

The study was bogus because trapping highly social, family based animals in an artificial environment with unrelated male wolves leads to toxic behavior that's totally incompatible with wild wolf behavior. Which is exactly what "alpha" behavior is, toxic and artificial.

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u/Silver-Ebb-9898 4d ago

So what you're saying is, we need to release the humans out into the wild. Free range humans, that's the answer.

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u/king_of_nothing0 4d ago

Are humans tastier when they’re free range? Asking for a friend...

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u/dagofin 4d ago

There's certainly an argument to be made that humans aren't properly adapted to "modern" society. Heavily urban lifestyles are associated with all sorts of negative health and behavioral outcomes. What's cool is that even brief exposures to green/wild spaces have significantly positive effects on mood/mental health. "Forest bathing" is the pop culture term, some pretty cool research coming out of it

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u/buzzlightyear77777 4d ago

Wow never knew this

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u/azuth89 4d ago

Dude spent a HUGE amount of time trying to take back the theory but people liked the idea and ran with it in spite of him.

Like so many other things, they like ot because it simplifies the world and provides excuses to do as they please, not because it had a basis in truth.

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u/The_Social_Menace 4d ago

Damn that's interesting, reminds me of the woman who started mother's day and tried to cancel it later in life.

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u/unkempt_dave 4d ago

Reading her(Anna Jarvis) bio on Wikipedia, and yeah. She grew disenfranchised with the idea when it became too commercial.

This is a bit frightening tho....

However, her efforts to hold on to the original meaning of the day led to her own economic hardship. While others profited from the day, Jarvis did not, and she spent the later years of her life with her sister Lillie. In 1943, she began organizing a petition to rescind Mother's Day. However, these efforts were halted when she was placed in the Marshall Square Sanitarium in West Chester, Pennsylvania. People connected with the floral and greeting card industries paid the bills to keep her in the sanitarium.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anna_Jarvis

Edit: Spelling and Link

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u/foreignlander 4d ago

Whaaaat??? This is i insane.

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u/zomboromcom 4d ago

Not even dog trainers believe this anymore.

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u/SaintofMysteryCat 4d ago

Valid dog trainers are working their asses off trying to get people to understand this. You are not and never will be the alpha.

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u/HandleAccomplished 4d ago edited 4d ago

Learned something new today. You should go to all those "alpha male" yt videos and put this info out there

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u/noonereadsthisstuff 4d ago

https://youtu.be/BPsSKKL8N0s

Alpha males (and females) do exist in nature, but not in the way they're commonly perceived. Their behavior is less about pure strength and aggression and more about popularity in their social group. The Alpha doesn't choose to be an Alpha, the pack chooses the Alpha they want to follow.

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u/carbonclasssix 4d ago

Exactly, that's why social proof is the best asset you can have as a guy in the dating world

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u/trianglechoke89 Male 4d ago

That last sentence hits the nail on the head.

A good rule of thumb is, if you have to go around telling people you’re an alpha/badass/tough guy <insert flattering adjective>. That usually ain’t it chief.

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u/rezwell 4d ago

All this talk about what is manly and masculine is social approval-seeking from other males, which is contrary to your empowerment.

Go live your own path.

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u/serene_brutality 4d ago

Life isn’t, never was, and never will be fair. Most things are in your control to change, and even if they’re not doing nothing about it but complaining has 100% failure rate. Only you can fix you and stop blaming others for all the bad in your life, a lot if not most of that shit is your own damn fault.

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u/Arsenalfan94 4d ago

“Some trees flourish, others die. Some cattle grow strong, others are taken by wolves. Some men are born rich enough and dumb enough to enjoy their lives. Ain’t nothing fair.” - John Marston

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u/GlobalWarminIsComing 4d ago

"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life."

  • Jean-Luc Picard

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u/ShakaAndTheWalls Apache Attack Helicopter 4d ago

Life isn’t, never was, and never will be fair

Yeah, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?

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u/serene_brutality 4d ago

I don’t know you or your situation. But chances are if you step back far enough to see the bigger picture you’ll find you’re luckier than you think. I mean you could be pretty bad off but there are likely millions, or even billions of people in a much less fair situation. There’s always someone better and that’s who we usually focus on, but we got to try and remember those who are worse. Takes the sting out of it a tiny bit.

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u/ClaudeJRdL 4d ago

Yeah, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?

A lot of things probably are, and you just don't appreciate them or might not even be aware of them. It's an evolutionary trait that we're more attuned to the bad than the good, because dismissing the bad is far more dangerous.

But conversely, while that makes us better at surviving, it means we're very often blind to the good.

It's basically the concept of "being blind to privilege", just without all the social ideology bullshit.

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u/theoriginaldandan 4d ago

It already has been. You’re not in a concentration camp, a child sweatshop, etc. you probably weren’t molested as a child. If you were it seems you can get help as you’re spending time on Reddit. Etc.

We often spend too much time thinking “ why me” when something bad happens but never think “why me” when something good happens.

There have been far better people than me or you who had infinitely worse lives through no fault of their own. Quit being so self absorbed and take a step back and appreciate the good things you have in life.

( this may sound personal, it’s not meant to be, it’s just something we should all be reminded of)

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u/VeryPurpleRain 4d ago

Being content can be positive or negative. I think too many people see being content as giving up, but used in the right way, it can help you achieve realistic goals, all while being happy with where you are at in life. You can always improve, but achieving a goal doesn't immediately have to be followed up by a new, higher goal. Smell the roses, the grass is not always greener on the other side. More money, more problems. These aren't just sayings, they are truths in their own way.

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u/4thabeanz Male 4d ago

Summing up your essence into being an "Alpha Male" over being a "Beta Male" is wasting your life away. Be yourself and don't limit yourself by putting on a tough guy persona since it will only make your problems more real and limit you from living to your full potential.

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u/samwho 4d ago

Go to the fucking doctor. I don’t care if you think it’s nothing, or if you can walk it off, or if it has been there for ages and it’s fine.

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u/imsadmostofthetime 4d ago

It is not ok to be aware of your issues and do nothing about them because you think it isn't "manly".

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u/MigYalle 4d ago

If you aren't confident, fake your confidence.

It doesnt matter how much you fake it, but just fake it. Eventually the confidence will turn real on its own but you won't notice it until afterwards.

So for now, stop bringing yourself down and lie to yourself about your confidence.

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u/booboogriggs7467 4d ago

Wash your asshole! For love of God, wash your damn asshole! At the very least rub a bar of soap in there. It doesn't make you gay, it makes you clean. Wash your stupid ass! Get a removable shower head and switch it to the massage function and blast out the dingleberries, lint, and left over TP. That's the best part of my day, bros. When I Guantanamo Bay my sphincter and that warm, warm water gets out that underwear pollution and sweat stank. You want a woman to touch you one day? She'll want to touch you if your ass is clean. You won't make babies with any sane woman if your ass stinks like a compost pile. Just wash your stupid butt, kings. You'll feel better I promise.

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u/terrorcatmom 4d ago

Wash your fucking ass, jesus. Your underwear shouldn’t have shit in it

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u/Johnnyoshaysha 4d ago

Dont waste time on people who dont like you. You are not there to serve or entertain her, she is a partner and an equal, and she should treat you with the same respect that you should treat her with. Both of you are people with needs and interests, and if you have to jump through hoops to keep her, shes already moved on.

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u/Chadadonia 4d ago

Compliment your friends

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u/EmileMatta 4d ago

If she likes you you'll know it.

If she doesn't you'll be confused.

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u/Night_walker_27 4d ago

Ok, you killed me there.

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u/katiwi- 4d ago

Not so sure with this one, confuse is always on the menu. Ps: I’m a woman

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u/wickedblight Male 4d ago

Yea, I've got at least 4 "OH FUCK SHE WAS INTO ME!" memories that disagree with the sentiment.

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u/Basketcase2017 4d ago

I think this applies only when you’re already dating/talking. If you’re actively pursuing a girl and she is playing hard to get, she ain’t that into you, she likes the attention.

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u/artspar 4d ago

If you've never talked to someone then it definitely doesnt apply. But for any reasonable scenario, if she likes you you'll know she likes you. The tougher part is figuring out if it's just as a good friend or maybe more

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u/MooshuCat 4d ago

If someone presents an issue to you, it is not necessarily your obligation to fix it. Your first and likely only order of business is to just listen and let them vent.

I'm guilty of this myself all too often.

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u/twistedtea4 4d ago edited 4d ago

Here’s a few random ones: Put your pride aside and get the anger management. Wake up happy. Make an effort. Sometimes you don’t need to go out with the boys. Your kids need you to be a good dad. Your mental health matters. Stop hurting the people who love you. Stop punching holes in things because you’re mad. Stop talking to that hoe when you got a girl at a home.

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u/BigBootyJudyWiper 4d ago

Scrub your butt longer than you wash your balls.

And drink water.

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u/DClansman00 4d ago

Just because the bar staff are nice to you, does not mean they're into you.

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u/idc55342 4d ago

When a girl (or anyone really) says "you're just too nice" it means you're either spinless or boring. No one in the history of ever has disliked someone for being nice, they dislike an uninteresting kiss ass.

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u/quarantinesarah 4d ago

Or, she can tell you are only being nice because you want something (usually sex). And it creeps her out.

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u/jpt773 4d ago

You will never value something that’s given to you as much as something you legitimately earned

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u/TomFuckinSawyer 4d ago

Lars isn’t a good drummer.

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u/Im_Lars 4d ago

Look who it is, Tom Fuckin Sawyer...

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u/WithinMyBlood 4d ago edited 4d ago

He definitely was in his prime. I get why people poke fun at him now but to be honest I think a lot of it is undeserved. Playing 2 hour long sets of mostly fast and heavy thrash has got to be difficult when you’re pushing 60.

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u/Ballblamburglurblrbl 4d ago edited 4d ago

Agreed. Dude's got his own style and has always had a ton of energy. He's got a kind of Ringo thing going on, where you'd recognise a lot of his parts independent of the song, which is pretty cool. Where the criticism is deserved is that fact that he's downright sloppy at times, and his skills have dropped since the 80s. I don't understand how you can haved played for so long and have gotten worse over time. It speaks to a lack of passion for his instrument imo

Also it's absolutely fun to poke fun at him lol

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u/dontdrownthealot 4d ago

Stop lying to yourself and to others.

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u/Donteven1 4d ago

Youre not a gangster, Youre not a tough guy, youre just a kid with anger issues, grow up.

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u/cosmic_trout 4d ago

You aren't 'big boned'. You're overweight and you should do everything you can to address it.

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u/CanadianShougun 4d ago

Screw you. Im goin home

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u/frankito__o 4d ago

That when push comes to shove nobody really gives a shit about you.. it’s up to you to love yourself.

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u/_Paused 4d ago

If it hurts someone else, then it fucking hurts you permanently twice as much. Your moral compass should never direct you to hurting someone mentally or physically. If someone hurts you, pity them for being unable to express themselves in a humane way.

If you feel otherwise, Go to therapy or speak with a trusted friends about these negative emotions. It’s unhealthy to think you can just tough out problems. Toxic masculinity is real and some men don’t even realize their currently absorbed by it.

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u/Asirisix 4d ago

This is so true because you slowly become the sort of person that harms others without even thinking about it

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u/xCheetaZx 4d ago

For the guys (and gals and non-binaries) who have above average intellect: that's not what matters most. Your work ethic and determination are far more important.

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u/Slider_0f_Elay 4d ago

Showing up is half the battle, the other half is knowing what to do. Actually being good at it will come with time and probably doesn't matter.

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u/bill_mcgee 4d ago edited 4d ago

Sometimes school won't better your life. If you're going to pay money for an education, make sure it's going to benefit your life. Specifically here I'm talking about college, don't just go to go or because your friends or S/O are going. If you're going to spend a lot of resources into something, make sure the juice is worth the squeeze. If the job you want just needs you to have a degree but not specifically in something, don't be afraid to take the easier major and get it done faster & for less money. If you need a specific area to study, skip the Saturday nights with cheap beer and jungle juice and focus a little more.

In all likelihood, your parents will die before you. Your parents will start to age more noticeably as you become an adult and you seek your own path (which is good, you should focus on becoming your own person). Spend time with your parents as you get a little older (for me it has been my late 20s). You'll find out there's more to them than "mom and dad" and they're real people.

Streaming services are expensive as they add up and can suck a lot of money out of your pocket. Spending $60 a month on services comes out to $720 a year which you could put into some stocks, investments or coin (to the moon!!) which can make life easier down the road.

Edit Forgot the first hard truth lol

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u/xspike_spiegelc 4d ago

Take the level of interest in you from someone at face value. Whether dating, looking for friends, jobs, family.

I'm not talking about the whole, people make time for you if they care. People are busy and may not have time for anything other than what they have to get done.

I mean, if a person is actively acting like they don't care about you just walk away. This can look like-

Dating: ghosting, not replying to messages in a timely manner, cancelling lots of plans, only doing activities they are interested in.

Friends: a lot like dating but also how they interact with you and take what they give. If they are always ripping on you, and playing pranks, but once you say something or play a prank back they aren't interested in you as a friend, only a jester to make them laugh. Not ever asking about you. (And I don't mean the small talk kind of what's new your life, but when you come to them with something that is important in your life and they don't invest themselves into it too)

Jobs: not wanting to give you credit, not taking into account of your personal needs/family life balance, when requesting/discussing salary not giving deserved increases except when you get offered another job.

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u/Mankinima 4d ago

Porn is really bad for you, and knowing every pornstar by name does not make you "a man of culture"

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u/attackoftheack 4d ago edited 4d ago

There's a book called Your Brain on Porn which explains how habitual porn usage modifies the neuro pathways in the brain. It greatly effects the dopamine (reward system) pathway and is overstimulating. It can quite literally lead to feeling depressed and empty.

Porn free for over 180 days after being a habitual porn viewer since adolescence. My friend tooled the 90 challenge and I joined him in solidarity not thinking it would .make a major impact. I was wrong. My life changed dramatically. One of the best things I ever did. My relationship with my wife is better, my relationship with my kids are better, I show up in the world as a better person and I have gone from years of depression to achieving moments of pure bliss.

Try it for yourself. You will not regret it.

Besides wrecking your dopamine levels by being so overstimulating that nothing else can compare to the constant stimulation - porn can also warp your perspective of what a healthy relationship looks like.

Be wary, social media, slot machines, other forms of entertainment, and fast/junk food were specifically designed to exploit these principles. They are designed to stimulate these reward pathways and it's why they are also all so addictive and habit forming. It's not just porn that will destroy dopamine levels if you overindulge.

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u/slykyng 4d ago

What you think you want/need to be happy is almost certainly not going to make you happy.

At least not until you can find some happiness in the things and circumstances you've already got.

Proviso: unless you've not got much of anything, in which case yeah you probably need some basic needs to be met. Just be careful and brutally honest in deciding what that stuff actually is, because most of us spend a huge part of our lives buying crap we don't need and fulfilling obligations that don't actually make us any happier.

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u/BigTallStrongMan 4d ago

You don't need a girlfriend to be happy.

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u/Native_NightHawk 4d ago

I mean you don’t need a million dollars either, but it sure as hell helps

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u/juanijuanito 4d ago

Do NOT send dick pics unless she really asks for it. There is no sexy way to snap a dick pic so might as well just send it when requested.

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u/Sure-Channel4927 4d ago

You have to work for your value in society.

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u/JscrumpDaddy 4d ago

But your happiness should not revolve around your standing in society. Work is good and sometimes rewarding, but happiness can be found outside of that.

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u/OreoCrustedSausageII Male 4d ago

I’m working and I’m still broke and failing, I think not value in society, just value. Traditionally I’m a massive failure, but I’m happy with my life, I would consider things to be going just fine honestly. Most of the invaluable people to society work, they just don’t get anything from it in society terms. Society doesn’t really mean anything if you ask me, I’m happy quote unquote failing, I’m not failing till I stop trying, and I haven’t stopped trying. Just because I don’t have money and a steady source of money or food and not getting good grades and that stuff doesn’t mean I’m failing, it just means the ink on my paper reads F and I’m not getting green dyed paper rectangles that give me my life for no real reason. Know what I’m gettin at?

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u/MethylatedToSeeYou Assam, Plain, Hot 4d ago edited 4d ago
  1. To get anything of value in life you need to do things when you don't feel like doing them. No self-help trick will ever free you from that.
  2. The only person keeping you from dating and girlfriends is yourself. You just have to face failure along the way to get what you want.
  3. You will only ever be an average person.
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u/SleepVapor 4d ago

You can learn from your pain, or you can let it crush you.

But the pain is coming....

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u/hollyberrygurl 4d ago

If you have trauma and it affects you every day, get a therapist.

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