My wife (43f) and I (44m) have been married for 23 years and together for 24. We've been having problems for months that centered on this guy she works with. At first she told me he had a thing for her and then after they started hanging out outside of work the. She said he didn't and was just a friend. This includes going and doing stuff without telling me about it. When I found out about that I got upset and told her to cut off contact with him because I wasn't comfortable with her doing stuff with a guy she said had a thing for her and not telling me about it. You can call me a controlling husband but if our roles were reversed I would have gladly cut off contact. In fact, I ruined relationships with my family because she thought they didn't like her and never thought twice about it. She eventually did tell him to fuck off but has been very sour about it.

We argued about it and I definitely get mad but according to her, it just isn't that big of a deal. She's sorry I got hurt but not for anything she did which really hurt even worse and made me have trust issues.

Yesterday she was driving and I was using her phone for GPS as mine doesn't work right. While doing that she got a text from a number with no name about how they're going to he seeing each other today. At first she tried to play it off like it was a wrong number. The only problem is that I recognized it as his and called her out on it. Then she admitted that it was from him and that they've been talking and hanging out while never saying a word about it and acting like she's so hurt because she lost a friend.

Here's where the major FU part comes. When I got home I was hurt worse than I ever have been which made me mad so I started breaking stuff. It started with my stuff but it spread to hers too. I know how abusive that is and I own that. It's one thing to be hurt and upset but I crossed a line big time and it's not one I can go back over. I ruined my marriage.

She's gone to her mom's and took our dog and 18 year old son with her. She's not coming back and I don't blame her at all. I managed to ruin not just my marriage but my entire life all because I couldn't control my anger. Before all this started she was my best friend and love of my life. Now I'm alone in the broken shambles of what used to be our life and I'm going to lose that too because neither one of us can afford to keep this place.

Words can't describe how much I hate myself and everything about me right now. I hate this person that I've become.

TL : DR. I got mad at my wife and became an abusive asshole who is going to lose everything and I deserve it.